Benefits of being single

[This is a translation of the second post on December 18, upon request from a friend of mine.]

Pictures of jubilant weddings and children uploaded on Facebook make me uneasy and wonder if I am all right being single with increasing white hair and fat without enough exercise these days.

That said, everything has pros and cons. It might be one way of spending the holiday season to dare to list and reflect on positive sides of single life even if it might sound like sour grapes. It would be at least more productive than rambling on and emphasizing negative sides.

First of all, especially in still conservative Japan,  women's status in the family is not high. The Japanese civil law requires either spouse to change the person’s family name, resulting in a majority of women abandoning theirs. Furthermore, they change their lifestyle according to their husband’s work and its location. Consequently, many quit their job and bear house chore responsibilities. If one likes laundry or cleaning, that would be fine. But for me, ideally that should be minimal as far as I can live in a clean house and eat balanced food.

In developed countries including USA, there is an idea that “having it all” – marriage, children and work – is winning, or a symbol of happiness. Is that true? I recently spoke with a female who has been exhausted by house renovation, chores and childcare and changed her job to part-time. When I introduced a summary of a book on politics that I read recently, she said “I don’t have any time to read such books.”

I am not a superwoman. Rather, I like to take it easy and tend to get tired soon, so cannot do multiple things simultaneously. Only after I choose to be single can I have leeway to read books on international affairs or politics that are not directly related to my work, which deepens my insights on it.

Being single without a boyfriend means I don’t have to worry about if he is cheating. My observation is that the more attractive and capable men are, the more they tend to like women, and they’re logical in their statements and alleged actions. It is impossible to monitor what they’re actually doing and where they are.

Rather than being preoccupied with such a thought, it is far more productive to use energy in catching a central figure and thoroughly reading every document to understand one’s new work completely. That helps to protect one’s professional position.

Loneliness was the only bottleneck, but even that has been almost gone for the past half a year by enjoying talking with favorite teachers for 30 minutes every day in an online English program. Friends or lovers are not always able to make themselves available in your convenient time, and that would be a selfish wish. By paying the fee and participating in such a program, the teacher I have an appointment with keeps his or her promise and even kindly teaches me new vocabulary.

About concerns about retirement, I can save money for myself instead of pouring it into child education and use it for the worst case scenario of hospitalization or entering a nursing home.

If commuting is too hard, I can rent an apartment within a walking distance from my workplace. Compared with one for family, a flat for a single person is not that expensive.

Come to think of it, what people say is “hard, hard” is gone once one chooses single life.